


you can't just leave me like this

by drcosimacormier95



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/F, season 3 headcanon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-15
Updated: 2016-01-15
Packaged: 2018-05-14 00:53:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5723443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drcosimacormier95/pseuds/drcosimacormier95
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You can't leave me. I can't do this without you. Please, come back.'', I'm still holding her in my arms. I don't know how long it's been since I saw her close her eyes  and not open them again. I refuse to let go though. I refuse to believe that this is it. That this is the end of her life. I refuse to believe I won't see her beautiful green eyes looking at me ever again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you can't just leave me like this

**Author's Note:**

> a short one-shot that I couldn't get out of my head.
> 
> you can scream at me after you have read it on twitter: @lexacormier

_''Promise me you will never leave me.''_

_''You know I can't promise you that Clarke. My people comes first, you already know that.''_

_I turn around so I can look at her face as I continue, ''No. I don't mean leave me like you did in Mount Weather. I mean leaving as in dying. Promise me you won't die. I have forgiven you for what you did and I know with everything that is going on you can't promise me you won't do something similar again. But'', I pause. Her right arm is still around my waist, holding me close and her eyes - oh_ her eyes _, I will never get enough of her beautiful green eyes looking at me with such care and love - they are looking at me, listening carefully, ''Promise me you won't die Lexa. Promise me you won't leave me to face this world alone. The rest - the rest I can handle. But I can't take losing you like that.''_

_She uses her arm to bring me even closer, and now my front is against hers and I can almost feel her heartbeat against my chest. She kisses my forehead tenderly before looking me in the eye again, ''I promise to do everything in my power to never leave you, is that enough?''_

_I smile and kiss her slowly and softly, with my eyes still closed I whisper, ''Yes, it is.''_

_''Good. I love you Clarke Griffin.''_

_''I love you too, Lexa. I love you too.''_

* * *

 

"You can't leave me. I can't do this without you. Please, come back.'', I'm still holding her in my arms. I don't know how long it's been since I saw her close her eyes and not open them again. I refuse to let go though. I refuse to believe that this is it. That this is the end of her life. I refuse to believe I won't see her beautiful green eyes looking at me ever again.

Raven is by my side now. She is saying things. I haven't registered a word so far. But I know I should so I close my eyes, shake my head and try to pain attetion to her.

''I know what it feels like Clarke. You know I do. And I know that it hurts, I know it feels like you can't breathe right now, but you need to let her go so they can prepare her for the ceremony. Please Clarke.''

She is silent now, she waits patiently for me. She is right, it does feel like I can't breathe. It feels like there's a weight over me, in my heart, keeping me from taking my breaths easily.

After what it feels like an eternity I nod and soon there are grounds kneeling in front of me, looking at me. I nod again and they take Lexa from my arms. But I refuse to let her body out my sight so as soon as she is their arms I get up, ''I will be present ever step of it'', I say to one of the grounders. They look at each other for a moment before noding. I follow them till a tend and the preparations begin.

They perform a lot of rituals around Lexa's body. I pay attetion to none. My eyes never leave her. Something inside of me still foolish hoping that she will wake up from this, smile at me and hold me again.

It never happens.

I'm the one who sets her body on fire. I know she wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

* * *

Days go by. The war continues. And I continue. I continue to fight for the people who need me. I continue my work.

I avoid sleeping.

I avoid it because my dreams and nightmares make me go mad.

My dreams are filled with her. Lexa. Filled with memories I try so hard to forget. When I dream of her I always wake up feeling even more empty and miserable than the day before and I don't know how that is even posible. I wake up feeling that way because she isn't there anymore. She isn't there, sleeping peacefully next to me.

My nightmares are filled with my own personal demons. Filled with death and horror. And when I wake up she isn't there to calm me down. She isn't there to tell me that I'm okay. That I'm safe in her arms.

After our reunion and reconciliation we would spend every night we could with each other. Late at night, in Lexa's arm I always felt like I was finally _home._ Like I could finally _breathe._

Now, lying alone in the dark without the love of my life all I feel is pain.

My friends notice how changed I am of course. Bellamy, Octavia and Raven don't allow me to shut down. They don't allow me to lose myself and I will be forever grateful to them for that.

The peace in the ground comes eventually. And I can finally rest.

I decide to step away from leadership and focus on helping people another way. My mom trains me as a doctor. And when I'm not helping people heal, I'm drawing and painting, and somehow healing myself.

And even though I lost Lexa when I was still young, I never find love again. And I guess that's alright. I wouldn't have wanted to share my life with anyone other than her anyway.


End file.
